- Caregivers Need Help Too - bboomerindenial
A caregiver, whether they chose to be one or are thrown into it, faces many challenges. They often feel as though their life changes to the point where nothing else matters but the person for which they care. They often stay at home, secluded, and feel guilty leaving for errands, shopping, and so on. In the Midwest, the caregiver is usually supported for the first few weeks with food and visitors, but these visits stop and the caregiver is still in the position of needing supplies and time to themselves. The trouble with caregivers is they do what their name suggests, often putting themselves aside for the sake of the other. It may be desirable to assist the caregiver, but there are some dos and don’ts.
Things to Avoid When Assisting a Caregiver
Don’t give them gift cards to places to eat, movies or massage parlors. This may seem like a good idea, but nine times out of 10, the guilt of leaving their ward usually is too great for them to use it, and it sits unused. There are ways around this, which will be discussed.
Don’t offer to take them away from their ward; a caregiver needs to make sure that their ward is in good hands. This can be stressful also. There are also ways to approach this, which will be discussed later.
Don’t admonish them about their lack of social life; a caregiver is well aware of the things they give up socially. They think about it, but never admit it, for fear of appearing selfish.
Don’t try to take control away from them in their situation. Walking in and saying, “this is the way it is” does not help a caregiver; it makes them feel more helpless than they do already.
Don’t offer something that cannot be relied upon. For example, offering an open-ended offer like, “anytime” tends to backfire, as the caregiver may actually take that offer, and need help when the person offering is not available. In this case the chances of the caregiver asking a second time are very, very small.
Don’t spring anything on them spontaneously. A caregiver has a schedule to keep and has to make arrangements for anything they do away from their ward. They also typically have a lot of stress hanging in their mind, and a sudden “let’s go away!” tends to make them panic.
Things to Do When Assisting a Caregiver
There are some things that can be done to help the caregiver, however. As long as the mindset of the caregiver is understood by those wanting to help, a good friend or offer is a real assist to the caregiver. It is important to realize that the thing the caregiver gives up first and foremost is their social life. Many times, just stopping by with coffee or tea and socializing for an hour is the best gift, and allows them to release tension while not being forced to leave their ward behind. The following ideas are examples of helpful assistance:
Do offer to clean or cook for them. Many caregivers do not find time for this. Ensure this is done in a respectful way. For example, stop by to give them a card, drop off a few groceries, or bring tea or coffee and cookies. After tea, clean up the area, then just keep cleaning, lightly. Ask if something more heavy duty is welcome, such as vacuuming. Bring over a dish already made that was "just sitting in the freezer."
Do run errands, or offer to stay with their ward while they do. Many times this helps a caregiver’s stress level, as there is typically not enough time in the day to do it all. Give them plenty of notice, so they can prepare lists and make sure things are taken care of at home. A good idea is to give them two to three days' notice, such as letting them know what day that week one is available to assist them. Offer to do either, staying or running errands. The caregiver does not ever want to impede on anyone else’s time. It is up to the offering person to appear open and available.
Do offer something they can do alone, such as a massage or pedicure, but know that the offer will need to include someone to stay with their ward. Stay away from things that are better enjoyed in a group, unless the caregiver’s personality calls for that. They will still feel guilty if someone in the group is at home with their ward. Again, give them time to prepare, or they will waste their alone time thinking about their ward.
Do be very clear with the caregiver, as to when time is good to help. If a caregiver has a muddled understanding of one’s schedule, and gets the courage to ask for help, and it is unavailable, or misunderstood, they will not ask again.
Do ask about their ward, but lightly. A caregiver is usually concerned with dignity, and may not always want to discuss it. Ensure they know that there is a listener, but do not press. Be the friend that they giggle with, or bring over a movie to distract them. Laughter is the best medicine.
Elle Paulson - Elle Paulson is a free lance writer and general inquisitive creature. She has written for Radio Stations, Retail, and herself for 25 ...
